3 Reasons to shit yourself before the 2019 EU elections


Written by Jonny Evans


22 May 2019


Thursday 23rd May marks the usual vote that no-one bothers about but this year things are different, here's why we should be concerned about what happens... 


Wait, there are elections on this week?

Yes, that’s right, this Thursday will see a total of 751 Members of the European Parliament (MEPs) get elected to represent 512 million people from across the EU's 28 member states.

Frequently seen as a pointless vote, MEPs are actually the most expensive politicians in the UK and pocket a substantial £80,000 a year salary (a point regularly avoided by former MEP Nigel Farage).

However, the public’s negative perception often leads to the MEP elections becoming a protest vote and a cesspool of extreme political views.

2019’s European elections are no different, and here are three reasons why, when the results are read out on Friday morning, you might have an unwelcome stain in your favourite Calvin Klein boxers.


1. Tommy Robinson could become an MEP

Yes, you read that right Tommy Robinson (Stephen Yaxley-Lennon) could become an MEP.

That’s the same Tommy Robinson (Stephen Yaxley-Lennon) who co-founded the English Defence League. The same Tommy Robinson (Stephen Yaxley-Lennon) who served 12 months in jail for assaulting an off-duty police officer who was trying to protect Robinson’s girlfriend from Robinson in 2005. And the same Tommy Robinson (Stephen Yaxley-Lennon) who referred to the Quran as a “violent and cursed book” on Good Morning Britain after the 2017 Finsbury Park terror attack.

Robinson is running to be an MEP in North West England and, thankfully, it is looking like he won’t win. But that’s not to say that his election campaign has been quiet or without controversy. A week after announcing his intention to run, Robinson's security team and supporters attacked anti-racism activists, and he has since had his offer to donate his potential MEP salary to charity rejected (LOL) and had McDonald's milkshakes poured over him twice while campaigning.

Although he may not get elected (fingers crossed), Robinson having the confidence to run is a sad indictment of how politics in this country is going.


Brexit party initial polls for EU elections 

2. The Brexit Party could become the biggest party

According to the latest polling, The Brexit Party (yes, that is its name) are on course for a shock win in the EU elections.

That’s right, a party that didn’t exist until January 2019 and includes Nigel Farage, Anne Widdecombe and Annunziata Rees-Mogg as their headline politicians are predicted to beat the Tories, Labour and the Lib Dems in next Thursday’s election.

Trying to find out what The Brexit Party stands for is harder than its name suggests. In fact, other than Brexit, their policies are non-existent. When pressed on their absent manifesto, Farage said that a ‘full slate’ of policies will be released after the European elections.

If rumours are believed to be true these policies will include the return of jousting, protecting Britain’s interests in Rhodesia and finally proving that the Earth is flat.


3. The far-right is getting the most press

The far-right has been getting the most press and dominating the headlines in the lead up to next Thursday’s elections.

We have a party called The Brexit Party leading the polls, a so-called politician running for office who thinks it is okay to joke about rape, and convicted thugs claiming to speak for ‘the people’.

If the European elections on Thursday are representative of public opinion, then it appears Britain is at crisis point. The far-right are mobilised, invigorated and confident of winning at the polls.

Thursday’s elections might not seem like a big deal, but it’s vital to remember that UKIP started gaining traction at European elections and look at the shit show we are in now.

We have to mobilise, get to polls and show the far-right where to shove it.


Edited by George Jones





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